Local Ezine for May-June 2011

Editorial

For the first time in its history, this issue of Angeles Xtra is being released after the 1^st of the month. A number of ‘perfect storm’ factors caused this delay, but most problematic (and annoying) was three weeks of intermittent, then non-existent internet service. With other deadline work also due by the end of April, we were forced to prioritize our commercial workload and this led to the delay in completing May’s issue of the Angeles Xtra. We apologize for the delay and have taken steps to ensure this will not happen again.

Because our readership is now truly international – with over 60% of our readers overseas - we are changing our updating policy as of this issue. Instead of a complete new issue of the local e-zine and multiple articles uploaded once each month; new articles will now be added weekly, and the monthly local e-zine page will shift from a monthly update to a bi-monthly update (one new local ezine page every two months). Our free classified ads will be unchanged with daily updates as posters place ads.

Happy to announce that to follow The Philippine Expat Survival Guide released last month, (available at www.tom-henry.info), we released the Papua New Guinea & Port Moresby Expat Survival Guide on 29 April 2011. Covering all an expat needs to know, from available job types to checking contract details, lifestyle and cost of living, living conditions, work conditions and much more, the new expat survival guide is available at www.pngexpats.com and www.tom-henry.info. We also cover the guide in this months book review.

While on the subject of books, to answer a number of queries sent in, yes, we are finalizing Lina’s Kitchen Filipino recipe book. And yes, it will be on sale by June.

Do you have any local stories, or know of any local information others may want to know? If so, contact us

Chatting at the bar…

…talk quickly centered on the new traffic systems introduced in Angeles City (Balibago) during April. The considered opinion of all in the bar was quite simply, it doesn’t work. Not only does it appear much more likely to cause accidents, with a major section of traffic being directed through small backstreets full of parked trikes, vehicles and lots of kids playing on the road, but the signs directing traffic are too small, too few, and too confusing. Added to this, the extra traffic congestion it causes along Macarthur Highway makes traveling from one side of the road to another a time consuming nightmare, and moving through the area even more frustrating than ‘normal’. 

Truth is that if nothing is done, traffic problems will only get worse. The old stories of making Clark ‘the new Malacañang,’ with national government offices being moved to ‘decongest’ Manila are again hitting the news. All in the bar felt that any large increase in traffic into the Balibago area would be bad, but if something is not done to improve traffic flow – with actual road user needs rather than trike parking and stall placement taking priority – any large increase would lead to increased accidents and driver frustration.

One question brought up repeatedly was, “Why don’t they just enforce the local ordinance?” After all, more than a decade ago, local government enforced clearing of all pavement areas 1.5 meters back from the road along Fields, Perimeter, Friendship, and roads leading off these. Back then, this meant many businesses paying to removing awnings and similar, mostly in areas where there was no traffic congestion.

Not surprisingly, the only areas where the ordinance was not enforced, notably checkpoint and the top end of Aniceto Gueco St. (joining Macarthur highway), were and remained the two main areas of traffic congestion.

So an open question to all reading this is, “instead of causing such confusion for motorists entering and trying to leave the area through what is after all suppose to be the major road artery, why can we not instead have the parking and stopping laws, and the ordinance preventing any shops or stalls being within 1.5 meters of the road enforced?”

After all, if vehicles did not have to keep stopping because of parked vehicles, and pedestrians on the road (because the pavement space is taken up by a stall or items placed in front of a shop), we would have no traffic congestion. Also, if all of the un-insured, out-of-registration trikes and jeepneys were taken off the road that would make a big difference in traffic flow - but that’s another story.

US Base?

Rumors abounded last month that the US had plans to reacquire Subic as a naval base. These rumors were quashed (somewhat) when the US Embassy released a statement publicly denying any such plans.

Sitting in the bar, we felt this is probably a good thing. After all, Subic is to many expats an ideally placed weekend getaway, with plenty to see and do for adults and families. If Subic’s facilities and attractions were to disappear where else could we go?

While Clark CDC is now talking about increasing tourist facilities there (which many feel is 20 years overdue), currently tourist attractions on Clark are few, far between, little known, and in the majority of cases, expensive to visit. While Clearwater appear to be putting a lot into their facilities to attract more visitors, it would be hard to describe them as a daily tourist facilities per se, In fact, apart from Mary Jane’s Go-Karts, we could think of no simple and affordable tourist attraction open daily on Clark. All we could think of to explain this was maybe Balibago couldn’t take any more traffic flowing through it onto Clark!

Trivia Quiz

1. What is the most poisonous fish in the world?

2. What did Benjamin Franklin want to be the US national bird?

A slug has four noses.

3. How many hearts does an Octopus have?

4. What is the one word in the English language with 3 consecutive sets of double letters?

5. What is the change of drawing a flush in poker?

6. What, according to Illinois state law, is the only officially recognized language?

7. What country’s name derives from the Indian word for “Big Village”

8. What was the name of the 1^st feature length cartoon released in 1937

9. How long can a goldfish live?

10. What was the name of the first man-made object to circle the Earth?

11. What became the first manmade object to reach the moon?

12. Who was the last person to set foot on the moon and when did it happen?

13. How long a time period is a ‘moment’?

14. What is the official song of Ohio?

15. How many penguins could be found around the North Pole in the year 2000 (approximately)?

16. What is the largest organ of the Human body?

17. What is someone doing if they practice Myrmecology?

18. What are the three most common elements in the universe?

19. What movie contains the famous line, Aren’t you a little short for a stormtrooper?

20. Which pop group had a ‘Horse with no name” in 1972 

-- ANSWERS --

This Month's Funnies

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is it naked or homeless ?

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mister", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull? - Lipstick

Way back in the time of the samurai, there was a powerful emperor. This emperor needed a new head samurai. So, he sent out a message to everybody he knew for them to send a message to who they knew, and so forth.

A year passes, and only three people show up: a Japanese samurai, a Chinese samurai, and a Jewish samurai. The emperor asks the Japanese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Japanese samurai opens up a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 2 pieces! The emperor says, "That is very impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Chinese samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Chinese samurai opens up a matchbox and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOSH. WOOOOOOOSH. The fly drops dead on the ground in 4 pieces! The emperor says, "That is really impressive!"

Then the emperor asks the Jewish samurai to come in and demonstrate why he should be head samurai. The Jewish samurai thinks, "If it works for the other two..." So the Jewish samurai walks in, opens a matchbox, and out pops a little fly. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHH. A gust of wind fills the room, but the fly is still buzzing around. The emperor says in disappointment, "Why is the fly not dead?"

And the Jewish samurai replies, "If you look closely, you'll see that the fly has been circumcised."

What’s invisible and smells like carrots? - Rabbit farts.

A newlywed redneck couple arrive at their hotel to begin their honeymoon. The manager greets them and says "I see you're newlyweds! ... I can give you the Bridal".

To which the husband replies "No thanks, I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets the hange of it !"

Trivia Answers

1. The Australian stonefish

2. The turkey

3. An Octopus has 3 hearts

4. Bookkeeper

5. one chance in 500

6. American (true! The law actually states that it is illegal to speak English!)

7. Canada

8. Snow White and the seven dwarfs

9. Up to 40-years

10. Sputnik I, launched in 1957.

11. In 1959, the Soviet space probe "Luna Two"

12. U.S. astronaut Eugene CERN in December 1972

13 A part of the Old English time system, a moment is one and a half minutes.

14. Hang on Sloopy

15. None, penguins live in the southern hemisphere

16. The Skin

17. Studying ants

18. hydrogen; helium; and oxygen.

19. Star Wars

20. America 

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